Joe Cartoon

So way back in 1999, when I was in language school for Chinese at Beloit, I thought I was gonna' knock myself off. Stress was high, to say the least. But I had a high-speed internet connection and a dream. So I used both. My second Friday there (yes, I do remember it in that much detail) I was waiting for my pals Ben and Faust, and six or seven other guys (Andy, Joe, Bunny, that blonde guy who thought he was dating Jessamyn, etc.), when I decided to do a search on WebCrawler (yes, I do remember the search engine as well) for online cartoons.

This is how I found Joe Cartoon.

First, let me tell you, this site is screwed up. By that I don't mean that links don't work or the animation is poor or any such nonsense. No. By that I mean it graphically depicts screwed up stuff, but in a funny way. I can't possibly explain it, so make sure the kids are in bed then:

1) dice a frog in a blender,
2) fry a gerbil in a microwave,
3) heave lemmings (that look like gerbils) off a cliff,
4) impale-a-boss,
5) sacrifice a gerbil to the fish-gods,
6) abuse a limbless, idiot canine,
7) kick a chihuahua,
8) whoop the Rainman and his poodle,
9) spank his monkey,

okay that last one, maybe my favorite. So horrible. So ashamed.

10) follow the adventures of A.K.
or 11) study intoxicated drosophilia

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but consider those links the "cannot miss" list. Or don't. Whatever.

Oh, and those gerbils, they sound like what would happen if you genetically recombined the DNA of George W. with that of Bill Clinton. Seriously. Or the Bee. Who was a mascot. And is now a vice-principal.

Also, there's a gerbil.